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Today was the first day back to school for us. I wish I could say that it was an easy day filled with lots of wonderful new experiences and it probably was for my kids, just not me. Here is a little breakdown of the day from my view.
6:30 am- The strange Bali wood sounding alarm on my phone wakes me up. It feels like I've only been asleep for five minutes.
6:40 am- Wake up Sweets and get her dressed, smoothly.
7:00 am- Some how we are already running a little behind, I make lunches and warm up some muffins I had froze. I get the muffins way too hot in the microwave and have to wait even longer for them to be cool enough to eat. I drink a diet coke. No time for breakfast for myself. I can feel the anxiety start to settle in my chest like a weight.
7:15 am- Out the door and headed into rush hour traffic for our half an hour drive downtown to Sweets school.
7: 50 am- No place to park close to Sweets school. Have to park a few blocks down and walk with both kids and all Sweets stuff.
7:55 am- My husband is waiting for us outside of school and we hurry in to put Sweets stuff away and snap a quick picture of her before she rushes into her classroom.
8:00 am- We walk out and I ask my husband if he thinks she is okay. Then I say " I feel like I am forgetting something". He says "You just feel that way because you are leaving your kid". The anxiety has turned into a ripping feeling deep in my chest.
8:10 am- We decide to go to McDonalds for a coffee since Bug doesn't have to be at preschool until 9.
8:30 am- We head down the road to Bug's preschool. I feel like I am taking shallow breaths and there is not enough air in the world for me.
8:45 am- We arrive and head into the school, taking a few pictures on the way.
9:00 am- The class heads outside and Bug runs for me. He starts crying onto my shoulder and hugging me. I try to walk him outside and one of the teachers takes him from me. He is wailing. The ripping feeling feels so strong I have to fight the urge to grab him and run. Moms aren't suppose to leave their kids while they are crying. Every fiber of my being is saying this is wrong. I know what everyone says and what I have read and what my husband is saying to me. I know that it's teaching him independence and that he will learn a lot and that he is good hands. But my heart hurts. Bad. Like it's being ripped out.
9:15 am- The director reassures me that he will be fine, she says I should call in an hour and check on him. I have tears running down my face and they are only the beginning. I feel a huge grief filled wail lurking in my throat. We leave and go sit in the car to watch him on the playground. He is still crying, I watch him fall down to the ground and put his hands over face. My whole body aches. My husband is reassuring me. I ask if we can't just take him home. He doesn't need preschool. I am convinced. My husband says no, just give it time. I am trembling. I can't take it.
9:45 am- Bug gets up from the teachers lap where he has been crying and moves to play with another kid. He is done crying. He plays for a few minutes and then the class goes inside. I still feel a terrible torn feeling.
10:20 am- I get home and I am lost. I don't really know what to do without someone to care for. I do some dishes and straighten up.
10:45 am- I call the school. The secretary goes to check on him and says he is doing great. He has been working and playing with other kids and no more crying. I feel relieved but not really better.
11:00 am- Talk to my sister for a while on the phone. Do some other stuff around the house, check my email and read a few blogs.
11:30 am- I leave to go pick Bug up he is only half day and gets out at 12.
12:00 pm- I arrive at school and the kids are back on the playground. Bug sees me and doesn't even react. I go in and say hi and ask him if he is ready to go home. He says no. The director tells me he has had a great day, no crying, played with friends and did lots of work . I am really proud of him. I never doubted that he could do it, I doubted I could. We go home and he tells me all about school and his new friends over lunch.
2:00 pm- I think this day has been a big adjustment for all of us. When I tell Bug that we have to go get his sister from school he throws a huge screaming fit. Eventually we make it out the door and are back on the road to downtown.
2:38 pm- Sitting in car line waiting for Sweets. We pick up the kids in an alley behind the school since it's in an urban downtown environment. They have no parking lot and the car line is not organized. It is marked in the alley as a school zone. As I wait a "lady" gets out and approaches my car. I ave to use that term lightly. The terms that really apply and are somewhat appropriate for this post are prick, douchebag, crazy asshole and/or jerk. Pick whichever you like. She starts yelling at me about blocking the alley. I mean really yelling. I try and explain that it is a school pick up zone, that this happens every day. You might think the giant line of cars in the alley would be a tip off. I can't take it, I want to scream or punch her. I have a sleeping toddler in the car and this nut job is yelling at me! I pull off and drive around the block back to the alley. I'm now at the end of car line and have to sit in the street waiting to turn into the alley.
2:45 pm- I actually get Sweets and she tells me that school was awesome and she is sad to leave. I'm not surprised really since she has always loved school.
3:30 pm- bedtime
Got home, made the kids snacks, listened to their tales of the day and started to sort through the mountain of paper work that Sweets brought home. Bug throws a huge fit because he wants nachos. I say no, because he already had two snacks and we have no nachos. Massive screaming fit that I can't even hear myself talk over. I can tell that the tension and stress I have felt all day is equally shared. I muster up the energy to vacuum. That is about all I have in me. I did vacuum the stairs and get all the cobwebs.
Sweets pulls out a bunch of my fabric. I ask her to pick it up. She ignores me and keeps watching her cartoon. I ask two more times and then turn off the t.v. Cue giant screaming fit from Sweets. I send her to her room since she is being really rude. She goes upstairs and throws a bunch of shit at me from the top of them. I calmly tell her that she has to stay there until her dad gets home. I'm turning things over to him. I'm done. She continues the kicking and screaming for the next 15 minutes until dad gets there and talks to her. Meanwhile Bug cleans up all of her stuff without being asked. I guess school at least taught him one thing today.
Dad tells Sweets to write an apology letter to me as punishment. She does and I shit you not the letter said "I am sorry, blah, blah for making my brother pick up my mess" Okay, don't even try and be nice, I see how it's going to be.
We eat supper. Hamburgers and fries. I managed to make dinner too.
I am so exhausted, not tired just wiped out. This day has been super emotional for all of us, except maybe the husband. He seems to be fine.
I hope tomorrow is better. Right now I need a cupcake and a glass, no make that a bottle of wine. They should have support groups for parents whose kids are going to school. Or maybe pass out cupcakes and bottles of wine to them. That would help and I have two kids so I would get two cupcakes and two bottles of wine. That would be tax money well spent. Or better yet we could get sponsors. I can just see big vinyl banners in front of the schools, 'Jack Daniels Welcomes You To The First Day Of School'. I'm pretty sure I'm on to something here.
Sorry if this is crazy rambling nonsense. I just really needed to get this day out of my system.
Kim
